March is, by far, my favorite month!
My mom was born in March, my sister was born in March, I was born in March and about half a dozen other people I absolutely love! March is when the cold starts to turn to warm and the brown becomes green, summer birds start showing up to share their music and daffodils begin to blossom. How could you not love March?!
This year, it's even more meaningful to me. You see, in just 14 days I will go from being in my mid-twenties to being in my late-twenties. I will go from being a youngin' to being a no-turning-back adult. About 8 months ago this thought freaked me out - I honestly could not even utter the "7" in 27, but today I'm really looking forward to claiming my prize - the number that represents my accomplishments and growth and maturity.
So, birthday plans, you ask? Well, I'm buying myself a Holga toy camera and rolls of 120 Ilford film. And trying the BLT at The Farmhouse in the River Market. And going to see Citizen Cope at the Midland. And considering seeing David Gray at the Uptown. And getting my hair cut. And I'll probably stare at the mirror for awhile to see if the new number has "taken" yet.
I'm going to do my best to enjoy this March more than any other March prior. I hope you do too!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
a while is ok
sometimes you just have to go a while without writing a blog.
the chairs at this barnes and noble are terribly uncomfortable. but, the wifi is free, so oh well. :)
this week i'm off of work. the entire week. i'm not getting paid for it, but let's not talk about that right now. it's been 10 years since i took a week off to myself like this. i feel somewhat guilty about it so i've made a long to-do list, but as each day passes, i'm starting to feel pretty good about reducing my list to: relax, work out, relax, catch up with friends and relax. :)
i'm reading @donmilleris 's Searching for God Knows What again. it's really good. i feel like God is showing me more through it this time. i don't know, i'm just getting some clarity with some things i haven't understood, or even really believed for a long time. it's really encouraging.
you know, i've spent the last number of years believing in God, but kind of rejecting everything i used to think or hear, in hopes God would help me learn the truth about who He is and what He has to do with me. slowly He's solidified some things in my heart, but it's never become the main focus of my life.
recently, though, the more i feel or understand, the more i want it to be part of my every day. the more i want to know. and the more i want to believe it.
it's a really good feeling to actually have that come from inside you, instead of being told it's how you should feel. i don't know. we'll see how things progress.
so now, onto my to-do list for today. i think i'll start with... relax.
the chairs at this barnes and noble are terribly uncomfortable. but, the wifi is free, so oh well. :)
this week i'm off of work. the entire week. i'm not getting paid for it, but let's not talk about that right now. it's been 10 years since i took a week off to myself like this. i feel somewhat guilty about it so i've made a long to-do list, but as each day passes, i'm starting to feel pretty good about reducing my list to: relax, work out, relax, catch up with friends and relax. :)
i'm reading @donmilleris 's Searching for God Knows What again. it's really good. i feel like God is showing me more through it this time. i don't know, i'm just getting some clarity with some things i haven't understood, or even really believed for a long time. it's really encouraging.
you know, i've spent the last number of years believing in God, but kind of rejecting everything i used to think or hear, in hopes God would help me learn the truth about who He is and what He has to do with me. slowly He's solidified some things in my heart, but it's never become the main focus of my life.
recently, though, the more i feel or understand, the more i want it to be part of my every day. the more i want to know. and the more i want to believe it.
it's a really good feeling to actually have that come from inside you, instead of being told it's how you should feel. i don't know. we'll see how things progress.
so now, onto my to-do list for today. i think i'll start with... relax.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
dead in the eyes
Sometimes, staring your future right in the face is a crappy experience.
It's hard to describe - this feeling in particular. You get little flashes of what could be. They only last for a moment, I assume because they are very potent and sobering and somewhat scary. On one hand, you know your future isn't written yet. On the other, you get the sense it's headed somewhere on it's own, regardless of what you want.
I've never felt it like this before. There's never been emotion attached to it before.
What if that is my future? What if I'm not strong enough to make different choices?
To begin thinking of how to avoid it is not even possible yet. I can hardly stomach the reality of my cards.
It's hard to describe - this feeling in particular. You get little flashes of what could be. They only last for a moment, I assume because they are very potent and sobering and somewhat scary. On one hand, you know your future isn't written yet. On the other, you get the sense it's headed somewhere on it's own, regardless of what you want.
I've never felt it like this before. There's never been emotion attached to it before.
What if that is my future? What if I'm not strong enough to make different choices?
To begin thinking of how to avoid it is not even possible yet. I can hardly stomach the reality of my cards.
Monday, June 8, 2009
plants
This weekend I went garage-saling with my sister. We found lots of great stuff...including a patio table and chairs for only $25!
I also found a cool planter, which I turned into my first gardening project ever.
There might be too much going on in there. I had to stuff all the little plants in. It does sort of look like it's busting, but I kind of like it. I guess we'll see if I can keep it alive...
The whole thing was surprisingly fun and I do really like the way it looks from the top. :)
I also found a cool planter, which I turned into my first gardening project ever.
There might be too much going on in there. I had to stuff all the little plants in. It does sort of look like it's busting, but I kind of like it. I guess we'll see if I can keep it alive...
The whole thing was surprisingly fun and I do really like the way it looks from the top. :)
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
5:30pm
So here I am at Panera for the second time today. Kinda stinks not having internet to "borrow" at home anymore. I told myself I'd leave by 5:30, since it's been a wonderful day off and I still have more to do at home.
Yes, today I took a much-needed mental health day. I slept in, had a caramel latte, started to clean my house, went to Encore in DT Shawnee and bought a bookcase at Wally's. Now I'm sitting here with a content stomach, filled with much-too-expensive caesar salad.
I've been reading Always Looking Up by Michael J. Fox. Almost finished. I'm really enjoying it. He has an interesting voice and uses big words in sentences I sometimes don't understand. He's so genuine and, though I'm sure his writing assistant threw a lot into the mix, I'm really glad he's written this book. In the first few pages I was concerned it was going to be a lot of fluff centered around using the word "optimism" over and over. But it's actually a lot more about how he tells his stories that shows his positivity and hope. He seems like a really cool guy and like he'd be really fun to hang out with. (On a side note, I have to admit I had no idea he was as old as he is. I truly thought growing up that he was just a few years my senior - don't know why, it's not like he runs in "my" circles these days...they're all having their first babies and such. I guess I just related to him as a young actor and didn't even think about how long he'd been alive before I was even aware of television.)
Anyway, between the optimistic book and the fantastic day off, I guess this afternoon I'm feeling a bit of optimism myself and a drive to do something new.
I've started to see recently how big dreams rarely come to fruition through a clean, organized, structured and well-thought-out plan. It seems they're more likely to become reality through a series of random, sometimes difficult, unforeseen, yet beautiful events and revelations. Rarely does one actually see the journey to the end before it happens. I guess they might think they do.
I've often given up on a dream because I've been overwhelmed by the "how to get there". I suppose if you want something enough and keep it in mind, you'll naturally start making choices that eventually lead you there. Said in my 26yo wisdom...
It's starting to rain a bit outside now. But the sun is shining like mad. One of those. A huge storm moving in - hail, lightening, potential tornados. It's surprisingly hot outside, too. But it's not quite here yet and in the mean time trees are flailing, the sun is trying to make up it's mind and now and then some big old fat rain drops start nailing unknowing little birds. I hope my 5:30 deadline preceeds the headliner of the show. Also hope my 3rd story apt tucked right in a huge windbelt doesn't blow away tonight.
Yes, today I took a much-needed mental health day. I slept in, had a caramel latte, started to clean my house, went to Encore in DT Shawnee and bought a bookcase at Wally's. Now I'm sitting here with a content stomach, filled with much-too-expensive caesar salad.
I've been reading Always Looking Up by Michael J. Fox. Almost finished. I'm really enjoying it. He has an interesting voice and uses big words in sentences I sometimes don't understand. He's so genuine and, though I'm sure his writing assistant threw a lot into the mix, I'm really glad he's written this book. In the first few pages I was concerned it was going to be a lot of fluff centered around using the word "optimism" over and over. But it's actually a lot more about how he tells his stories that shows his positivity and hope. He seems like a really cool guy and like he'd be really fun to hang out with. (On a side note, I have to admit I had no idea he was as old as he is. I truly thought growing up that he was just a few years my senior - don't know why, it's not like he runs in "my" circles these days...they're all having their first babies and such. I guess I just related to him as a young actor and didn't even think about how long he'd been alive before I was even aware of television.)
Anyway, between the optimistic book and the fantastic day off, I guess this afternoon I'm feeling a bit of optimism myself and a drive to do something new.
I've started to see recently how big dreams rarely come to fruition through a clean, organized, structured and well-thought-out plan. It seems they're more likely to become reality through a series of random, sometimes difficult, unforeseen, yet beautiful events and revelations. Rarely does one actually see the journey to the end before it happens. I guess they might think they do.
I've often given up on a dream because I've been overwhelmed by the "how to get there". I suppose if you want something enough and keep it in mind, you'll naturally start making choices that eventually lead you there. Said in my 26yo wisdom...
It's starting to rain a bit outside now. But the sun is shining like mad. One of those. A huge storm moving in - hail, lightening, potential tornados. It's surprisingly hot outside, too. But it's not quite here yet and in the mean time trees are flailing, the sun is trying to make up it's mind and now and then some big old fat rain drops start nailing unknowing little birds. I hope my 5:30 deadline preceeds the headliner of the show. Also hope my 3rd story apt tucked right in a huge windbelt doesn't blow away tonight.
Monday, May 11, 2009
i never thought i'd actually say this...
...but I just hope I pass this semester. Only once prior have I had anything below a B on my record and that was (ironically enough) for a photography class I just stopped going to the last 2 weeks of the semester. A gracious professor indeed.
This semester has been rough. Possibly the hardest of any. Which is strange considering a couple of years ago I was working 3 jobs and taking 4 classes and somehow passed with flying colors...and retained a fair amount of sanity in the process. I'm not sure why it's been so hard. Perhaps my job is demanding more of my attention or maybe I just really don't like College Algebra.
So, tomorrow is my final and I'm a bit nervous. For a number of somewhat valid reasons that I won't go into for now, but... There is a very real chance I might not pass the class. And even if I do, I have to get a C in order for it to transfer, so...that's raising the bar even higher. Haha...a C is a high bar. Never before have I uttered these words.
Now, when I say this, I'm not saying that a C is a bad grade by any means. Grades are somewhat relative anyway. I mean, a college education isn't a guarantee for anything, so really what do grades mean? What I AM saying is that, for me, not passing a class is not comfortable. And quite honestly, it's a waste of (government) money. So I try not to let myself down when it comes to passing and such.
I'm not sure of the exact cause, but for some reason this semester I haven't been able to rally myself, not even here at the end. I'm just hanging on, praying for the day it's all over. Honestly, it really could be simply because math is dumb and, while the world would have trouble existing without it, I don't see a need to know more than I use in my day to day already.
And I guess that leads me to a slightly bigger issue. I know that in order to advance in my particular line of work, I'm going to need a piece of paper signed by some college president that says I'm an expert in strategic communications of some sort...BUT in reality, most of the classes I'll be taking are pointless. I haven't gotten as far as I have in life because of what I learned in my first few college classes, that's for sure. I've gotten here because I'm determined and work hard to improve my skills and because I've been blessed to be in the right place at the right time.
I'm really hoping I can "turn it on" next semester. Maybe two months off will help. But I get ahead of myself... I still have a final (an entire class, for that matter) to pass.
This semester has been rough. Possibly the hardest of any. Which is strange considering a couple of years ago I was working 3 jobs and taking 4 classes and somehow passed with flying colors...and retained a fair amount of sanity in the process. I'm not sure why it's been so hard. Perhaps my job is demanding more of my attention or maybe I just really don't like College Algebra.
So, tomorrow is my final and I'm a bit nervous. For a number of somewhat valid reasons that I won't go into for now, but... There is a very real chance I might not pass the class. And even if I do, I have to get a C in order for it to transfer, so...that's raising the bar even higher. Haha...a C is a high bar. Never before have I uttered these words.
Now, when I say this, I'm not saying that a C is a bad grade by any means. Grades are somewhat relative anyway. I mean, a college education isn't a guarantee for anything, so really what do grades mean? What I AM saying is that, for me, not passing a class is not comfortable. And quite honestly, it's a waste of (government) money. So I try not to let myself down when it comes to passing and such.
I'm not sure of the exact cause, but for some reason this semester I haven't been able to rally myself, not even here at the end. I'm just hanging on, praying for the day it's all over. Honestly, it really could be simply because math is dumb and, while the world would have trouble existing without it, I don't see a need to know more than I use in my day to day already.
And I guess that leads me to a slightly bigger issue. I know that in order to advance in my particular line of work, I'm going to need a piece of paper signed by some college president that says I'm an expert in strategic communications of some sort...BUT in reality, most of the classes I'll be taking are pointless. I haven't gotten as far as I have in life because of what I learned in my first few college classes, that's for sure. I've gotten here because I'm determined and work hard to improve my skills and because I've been blessed to be in the right place at the right time.
I'm really hoping I can "turn it on" next semester. Maybe two months off will help. But I get ahead of myself... I still have a final (an entire class, for that matter) to pass.
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